Sometimes weird things can trigger a memory. I woke up way too early this morning, and found myself watching TV while trying to convince myself to either get up or go back to sleep. Some random commercial made me remember playing hide and seek with my aunt when we were little. I don’t know if this is a common way to play the game, but we had this rule where whomever was “it” would count to ten, or twenty-hundred or whatever, and then scream at the top of their lungs “APPLE PEACHES PUMPKIN PIE, IF YOU’RE NOT READY, HOLLER I!!” If the hider yelled “IIIIIIIII!!” The seeker started over. I think you got a couple of apple, peaches, pumpkin pies before the “ready or not, here I come;” but I’m not sure. If you have never heard of anyone doing this, it is probably something my aunt made up because it is altogether likely I was terrible at choosing a hiding place.*
Graduation is only a few of weeks away now. A few people I know have a countdown going, but I am not sure about the exact amount of days. I do know I am three presentations, three papers (one is super short, one is all done, and one is…well…not great), and two finals away from being done with all of the coursework. I hope I’m not forgetting anything.
As I procrastinate on focusing on those last few assignments and studying, I am both reflecting back and looking forward. Yeah, yeah, live in the now and all that; but I can’t help but look back at where I’ve been, and nearly hyperventilate as I wonder what the hell I’m going to do next. I have a lot of ideas, some are safe choices, some are terrifying. I have been leaning towards terrifying.
One of the big changes I’m considering seems to be falling into place. Going to dinner at The Future Mrs. Jon Bon Jovi’s house the other night provided me with insight and some help in plan execution. Which is awesome and amazing, but also brings a new level of reality to the changes. What if the plan works out? What if it doesn’t? What is going to happen? How many more questions can I ask myself? What else do I need to put on my massive to do list? What am I not thinking about? Am I thinking about too many things? My tendency to over-think everything might be working in overdrive right now. It is a whirlwind.
Part of me is excited and ready. The other part is hollering “I” and trying to look for a hiding place. Most of me just wants to get those papers finished and presentations all prepped so that I can check them off that massive to do list. But, if I get those done, I will be able to put more focus on the “what comes next.” I think knowing that is adding a whole new level to my regular procrastinator ways. As long as I’m not finished, I don’t move on. Ready or not, graduation day is coming. It is my turn to be the seeker, not the hider.**
*A note: I am fully aware my aunt didn’t actually make up the song, the phrase, or the rule. If she did she was a songwriting prodigy, managing to write this hit for Jay and the Techniques approximately three years before she was even born:
**Holy crap that was insightful! Look at how I tied that all together! I am totally dropping the mic right now. Metaphorically, of course, as I don’t have an actual microphone and there’s no way I am dropping my laptop.